Panesian games for the NES, early 90’s 8-bit porn for the whole family

The Panesian Collection for the NES

It all started by a company named Hacker International, a Japanese game company that published games for over a decade (1990-2001). The US versions were developed by a Taiwanese company called Panesian, thus the moniker, the panesian collection. They used an interesting, if not distasteful approach to gaming, appealing to a very small and possibly extinct (Citation needed) demographic…perverted gamers. These games would reveal nudity as a reward for skillful playing, in all of it’s 8-bit glory. Who wouldn’t want to play that? Squarish nipples and sultry glances, making gamers of the time realize what Super Mario Bros. could have been.

These games are rare, though not impossible to find, and readily available on any emulator. They were mostly distributed through mail order and porn shops and sold approximately 30,000 – 50,000 copies worldwide. These games were never officially licensed by Nintendo, and I’m not quite sure why. Panesian also took the initiative to westernize the girls’ features to make them more palletable in the US, because no one in the US likes exotic features on their blocky nudity.

The first title I’ll touch on (Hehe) is Peek-A-Boo Poker

Panesian Peek-A-Boo Poker
Good thing it’s single-handed

 

Panesian Peek-A-Boo Poker
Peek-A-Boo Poker

 

Full-released by Panesian in 1991 , the gameplay was that of a simple poker game. Well, Strip Poker to be more precise. For every one thousand dollars banked the player would be rewarded with a different pixelated ‘picture’ of an erotic woman, up to five thousand dollars. It was a typical poker game in that it used five-card draw poker rules. The game get’s really interesting when you see your opponents… Full House Francine, Double Dealing Debbie, and Pok-er Penny. Which I’m actually surprised that the names translated so well into english.

 

 

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The next title I’d like to discuss is Hot Slots

Panesian Hot Slots
Strange, single-handed as well…

 

Panesian Hot Slots
Hot Slots

Panesian fired this one off internationally in 1991, the gameplay consisted of 3 slot machines. Including Cutie Bunny, Juicy Fruits or Las Vegas (Possibly the most erotic title of the three). Each machine has a unique visual appeal and music to match. After purchasing medallions, the player can insert a maximum of 5 medallians per pull, then stops each reel using the DPad. At any point between spins the player can bank his money and move to a different machine. Each machine has it’s own hostess, who shows up to congratulate you between wins. Now this may seem like a simple slot machine game, and in a way it is, but there are goals… there is an end in sight. To reach the glorious bounty of, and I can’t stress this enough, 8-bit nudity, one must win a total of $450. At $210 a lady shows up and gives you her best dirty talk, at $300 she loses some clothing, but come on, you can be teased like that without going all the way. Go for the $450, if you’re playing this, it’s worth it to you.

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The last game to talk about is Bubble Bath Babes

Panesian Bubble Bath Babes
Sensing a disturbing pattern here…

 

Panesian Bubble Bath Babes
Bubble Bath Babes

Panesian also cranked out this gem in 1991, right beside hot slots and peek a boo poker. Now, this game is actually worth playing, even if you aren’t in it for the glorious, sweet, sexy 8-bit blocky boobies. This game reminds me of a reverse tetris or any of the various other puzzle games, which I quite enjoy. The bubbles float up to the top of the screen, (as bubble bath suds do?), in clumps of colored patterns. The player must arrange the bubbles so that similar colors are touching, when a specific number touches they will be cleared and all free bubbles surrounding it will rise to fill the gap. That’s how combos are born. Now, mismatched bubbles will accumulate, and if you can’t clear them fast enough they will reach the bottom of the screen, if that happens, you lose. And you don’t want to lose, not if you want to see some nudity, which happens when you clear a level. It is important to note that because the gameplay was decent, it was released under the title of Mermaids of Atlantis with all of the nudity removed.

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So there you have it, the 3 panesian titles, the most erotic games conceived for the NES. Take your mom’s credit card, sign into ebay, and bid on these epic masterpieces of a more innocent time when games were games.